Lead One:Narrative
It’s become quite the cliche by now: the old grandpa waves his cane angrily, loudly proclaiming that the youngsters these days have no idear what good music really is! The malarkey they listen to nowadays is makin’ his ears bleed!
Every generation has had its share of protest about how their music isn’t “real”. Jazz was considered obscene in the early 1900s, the sixties gave rise to “those damn hippies!” and punk was all about offending the elderly. However, the newest magnet for criticism from advocaters for so-called “real music” is electronica.
Lead Two: Rhetorical Question
Can music still be considered music if it doesn’t even use instruments? Some critics are saying no, but could computers and keyboards just be the new guitar?
Lead Three: Rhetorical Question
Nowadays we use screens to do everything. We send mail on the computer, use phones to take pictures, and favor blogs over journals. So, what if the music we listen to is made this way, as well?
First comment was from Q.
ReplyDeleteGood lead 1. Well done
ReplyDeleteThe last sentence of lead 2 should be reconsidered.
"We used screens to do everything" Wha? I feel that lead 3 is kinda weak...
I suggest using Lead 1. Its really good
Daniel
Lead one is a strong lead, but the first paragraph is trying slightly too hard. A little less British Isles personification might make it flow a little better. However, the second paragraph is excellent and shows your opinion and makes a convincing point.
ReplyDeleteLead two: you should answer the question, since the point of the opinion piece is to share your opinion. It also doesn't really draw you in other than to make you read to see what the author's answer to the question is.
Lead three: This lead is kind of cliche, and not on purpose like lead one. It doesn't really draw me in, so I would be cautious in using it in your magazine.
-Ishaan Golding
I like the second one!
ReplyDelete~nat
Hmmm... I like parts of the first and second one, and I agree with the other posters' suggestions. If you keep the first one, maybe you could re-work its first paragraph a bit. If you keep the second one, try answering the first question rather than posing another one. Good job giving us three very distinctive leads!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading this article. I pretty much only listen to electronic music. What genres do you like?
ReplyDelete