Clyde tells you how to take an "attractive" Myspace picture

So yesterday Vinyl was out in the hallway, innocently taking our press pass photos, when an idea struck us. A lovely yet terrible idea. We decided to take our press pass photos as...Myspace pictures.

Yes.

Taking Myspace pictures is a complex art and I have heard it takes many years for the 12 year olds who take them to master the art. However, back in the day of 2008 when I myself was 12, I was quite the cool Myspace photo-taker myself. Not quite a master, but dang I could rock that peace sign and too much eyeliner look. Fo real.

Anyway, I decided to share my tips with you even though it's now 2011 and pretty much no one has a Myspace anymore. So, here is how to take a "cool" Myspace picture...whatever that means.

1.) Find a place with good light and nice scenery for the background. The preferred place for hip Myspacers is usually their bathroom. Because nothing expresses the complexity of your soul quite like a toilet hangin' out in the back of your profile picture.

2.) Put on some makeup. Some frequently used looks include raccoon eyes, zombie stitches on your cheeks, duct tape across the mouth, and fake fangs. Don't forget to tease your hair and color it with marker because your parents won't let you actually dye it because you are 12.

3.) Position the camera. You want an angle that will give away just enough of your face while still looking "mysterious" and "deep". And also make your head look enormous. Try holding it at arms length above your head. This will make you look like a deranged but adorable alien and also make you look abnormally thin.

4.) Hide your face. Use your overly long emo bangs, a hand, or even a flower held inexplicably up to your eye. Holding random objects up to your eyes shows how "unique" and "interesting" you are and will also help you hide the face you're probably self conscious about if you're taking Myspace pictures in the first place.

5.) Upload and edit. After you've got approximately 465 copies of the same shot with slightly shifted angles, upload to your computer and Photoshop the heck out of those suckers. Up the exposure so that it looks like you have no nose. Change it to black and white to make you look EVEN MORE "deep" and "sensitive". Make your eyes red so that everyone thinks you're a vampire with a tortured soul. Who is 12.

So there, now you have it! Now you can go out into the world and take tons of pictures of your emo self! Enjoy!