Fanfiction makes Clyde really super happy

Yes, I confess it, I am absolutely and completely obsessed with fanfiction. For all you poor sad souls who have never heard of this hilarious phenomenon, fanfiction basically refers to fictional stories written mostly by scary adolescent girls with impressive imaginations about their favorite published stories, movies, or, even scarier, real-life Youtubers.

According to Wikipedia, people have been writing fanfiction since the beginning of time, when multiple authors would add onto the stories of iconic characters like King Arthur. This is pretty hilarious to consider, looking at the fanfiction of today, which can sometimes be...just...terrifying.

Since discovering fanfiction about a year ago, I have read hundreds of stories, mostly while procrastinating on my homeworks, and I have discovered a few patterns in the writing styles of authors.

1) First, you've got your fangirls, who insert themselves into the story so they can live out a fantasy with a fictional character, and then publish it because they think other people will enjoy reading it. A popular version of this is the book Twilight by Stephanie Meyer, which this example happens to be based on:
"You're so pretty Elizabeth."
"Thank you, Edward," I said as he kissed my hand.
"I'll have her back before dinner," Edward told my parents. They just nodded.
"Have fun Elizabeth," my mother said as we headed out the door. Edward walked me to his carriage and helped me in. He hopped in and nodded to the driver.
"How was your day?" he asked me.
"It was okay. But it's better now that I'm with you," I said leaning against him. He kissed my forehead and smiled.
I think I barfed a little, but whatever, no big deal.

2) And then you've got your non-english speakers (perhaps my favorite):
One day, Harry was making learnings from his Schoolbook.
"Many learnings from Book School!" say Harry, turn the page.
But suddely, Harry had learned too much from the book and made forgettings of his magics!
"Oh no!" say Harry, "Of my magics to forgetten?"
The magics made refusal to remember!
Ron and Hermione made questionings of Harry and the lost magics.
Brom made a laughing from the window.
Harry made a sitting in magic lesson, unable to perform the magics!
"I am tired of your not magics!" say Wand.
"SNAP!" shout Wand, and Wand snapped itself, because it did no want to be with a not magic!
"Oh nO!" shout Harry, "NOT A SNAPPING WAND!"
But a Snapping Wand.
[from Losing the Magics by Hans von Hozel]
....Good stuff, right there. 

3) And your creeps:
Okay, I should probably not post any of these. Just know that I have read one that had Winnie The Pooh and Edward Cullen as a couple. Also one where the giant squid and Hogwarts, as in, the building, got it on.

4) And your crazy people:
Voldemort blinked his narrow cat-like eyes. Akito thought a tear might have been forming if the Voldster had actually had the ability to produce any bodily fluids.
"I-I-I...I just haven't felt much like myself these days, I guess," You-Know-Who mused, dropping the gangstah chick act. "Ever since that pathetic revolution, I've been trying to escape myself and become something new. I haven't even killed any peeps in like four whole months! I guess I just thought some lipliner and some dissing finger snaps would fix everything, but they just don't!" he said, dissolving in loud, dry sobs.
[from Getting Along Just Marvolosly]
"And now," Rufus Scrimgeour said shakily to all of Diagon Alley, "We have Phantom of the Opera, directed by the Dark Lord and starring his many Death Eaters!"
Voldemort, much to the horror of the magical people, took the stage. "Hello fellow Magic People!" he said in his scary voice. "I have taken a temporary, yes temporary, break from trying to cause death and horror to the world to conduct this nice production of Phantom of the Opera!"
 [from What Would Happen If Voldemort Went Psycho by The Almighty Cheez It]

5) And then, of course, you've got My Immortal, which is just a whole different level altogether and you should really just read it for yourself:
 “OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr.” I sed. “ I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”
B’Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”
“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.
“No.” My head snaped up.
‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Mary are u a PREP?”

And lastly, surprisingly, you've also got your FABULOUS writers, who could probably be writing something more important then fanfiction. But, hey, that wouldn't be quite so fun to read, now would it?
Happy reading!!
Clyde