07 April 2011

Clyde's Feature Leads

Narrative:
It's a sweltering summer day on South Congress Avenue in Austin, Texas. Every time a car comes rumbling down the busy street, you want to scream in pain as the hot blast of exhaust crawls across your skin, raising the temperature around you to at least boiling. The spicy scent of Thai food from the food trailers across the street is making your eyes water and you are pretty sure even your fingernails are sunburned. Nearly blind and scrambling for shelter, you tumble into the nearest doorway. It creaks open with a tinkle of bells and suddenly you're face-to-face with a display of peacock feathers standing in a cool, dimly-lit room that smells like the sweet spices of Thanksgiving. Your sigh of relief quickly turns into a gasp as you catch sight of the racks and racks of lovely, unique vintage clothing that surround you.

Descriptive:
A tangle of antique gold necklaces clang softly against shiny mile-long strings of pearls. Old floorboards creak under scuffing footsteps. The musty smells of cinnamon and well-loved clothes fill the air, drifting on the gentle breeze that wafts in through the glass door, making the many peacock feathers scattered throughout the store wave like hands, greeting the few customers stylish enough to know of this store's existence.

Compare/Contrast (or pathetic last effort):
For some people, getting dressed is just a matter of fitting in, finding things that match (maybe) and don't look too much like you're wearing a trash bag. But, for others, it's an adventure, an opportunity to put on a costume and become someone you can only wish you were. These people are easy to spot with their sequin jackets, lace up boots, and shoulder-length feather earrings. And of course, many of them can be found at Feathers.

15 comments:

  1. The second one. Definitely the second one. Because it is amazing. Just sayin'.

    --IBI

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  2. I like the second one as well. I'm not too sure about using second person for the first lead.. Is it okay to address the reader?

    ~ OMO

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  3. Thanks guys!! I prefer the first one myself, but you're right, OMO, I don't know if it's okay to use second person...
    -Clyde

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  4. I like the first one the best. It sets upa a scene and has enough detail for me to image myself there. Really good.

    -Yahir

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  5. numero uno, it feels like an adventure and puts the reader IN the story which is a great way to grab and retain thier attentio.

    Daniel

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  6. The second one is the best, it really sets up the scene. The first one is a little bit of a stretch- I've never stumbled into a clothing store to escape from Thai food. But I'd be happy with either of the first two.

    -Ishaan

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  7. Hmmm... I think I like the second one, too. It feels more like a magazine feature to me than the first one -- which is also awesome, but seems more like a memoir

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  8. The first two leads are very, very strong. I really like them.

    --
    Quaver of Aux Cable (AS)

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  9. ooooooh. the first or second one are pretty cool. I like the end of the first one :3

    -Nat

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  10. I like number 1 the best. It seems like it could almost be Descriptive because I can clearly imagine that situation. And it's a really cool lead....

    -Fly on the Wall

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  11. I think number 2 is the best/cutest but I think number one is good too. As for the third one...it seems a little less intriguing than the first two. But overall it's good!

    -Juumbie

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  12. ...SEE ABOVE. LIKE. WAY ABOVE.

    'kay thanks bye

    I am bad at this newfangled Internet-speak.

    Sorry. (But not really.)

    --IBI

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  13. I like the last two... cause it's not quite THAT hot yet in Austin...

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  14. I like the second one the best, the first one doesn't really apply as much to your topic. It's a great story, but it doesn't seem very feature-y, unless you name a specific person that your feature is about (ie personal profile). Like "Fernando LaPoop clutches his throat as it burns with thirst, cursing the world for bombarding him with the scents of Thai food...blah blah blah"

    :Deborah

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